Hey hey! It’s again been a minute since I blogged on here, but it’s been in my heart to start writing again so here I am! Let me tell you how life’s been… it’s been a titch bumpy. I’d even call it rough at times lately. Let me fill you in…
As some of you might know I was diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease (Chronic inner ear disorder with no cure that causes vertigo, ear ringing and hearing loss that eventually becomes permanent to some extent) in August 2016. I had a rough month or so while I got the symptoms under control by cutting back on Sodium and cutting out caffeine complete. I know. Anywho, besides a day here or there where my ear gave me the business… I was in “remission” if you will for the better part of the last year and half. Minding my own business, traveling, living life, kind of pushing the diagnosis to the backburner.
Enter in August 2018. Almost 2 years to the day from my first episode of Meniere’s, I had a flare up… and almost 10 weeks later I’m still battling to get more than 3 days symptom free. I’ve had a lot of resistance to the flare up… maybe I’d even call it denial. The symptoms had been so manageable and gone for so long that I was like “nope, nope, this isn’t happening… nope”. Well, reality was telling me otherwise. Since this latest flare up I’ve seen a regular doctor, Physical Therapist, Chiropractor, Massage Therapist, Acupressure-ist (?), and have had an MRI and visited the ER. Let’s just say I’ve been around.
I have a calendar where I track good, medium and bad days. Good days mean I don’t have any vertigo and can carry on like a “normal” person. Medium days mean I have just enough vertigo/dizziness to make me super fatigued and slow me way down. Bad days mean I can’t get out of bed without help and/or vomiting. Luckily I’ve only had a few of those bad days.
At the beginning they thought I had Labyrinthitis (which is basically very similar to Meniere’s except it is viral or bacterial and it is not chronic). However, my ENT eventually felt like it was actually a Meniere’s flare up instead. During this time I have googled just enough to find mainly really scary, depressing and extreme stories. Which is one of the reasons I wanted to share about my recent experience so that maybe someone else going through it might find it and find something besides a traumatic story.
Have parts of this season for me been traumatic? Absolutely. However, I’ve also had some really beautiful things happen. I have such a wild appreciation for good days. I pretty much haven’t had alcohol in 10 weeks and have been eating good and tracking my food (to try and find triggers). I’ve started a daily gratitude journal with a friend and we’ve been sharing that experience. I’ve been meditating daily to try and reduce stress (which can definitely be a trigger to the symptoms). I’ve been listening to sleep stories to help me fall asleep at night and find that it help with anxiety I usually have before bed. I bought a new pillow that is much more comfortable for my head and neck.
I started getting massages again. Even though I’ve been restricted on the workouts I can do… I CAN DO daily walks with my dog and I have been doing about 2 miles a day with her. I’m working towards having more grace and kindness towards myself and capabilities on “medium/bad” days.
Finally, I absolutely cannot leave out the 100% love, dedication, and caring that my husband has shown me during this time. He has been the MVP of this story! When I feel like a burden or feel less-than because I haven’t been able to shower in days because I’m afraid I’ll fall and hurt myself… he still tells me I’m beautiful, capable and loved.
I’m sure there are more, but the things I’ve been able to do… have given me a sense of control back in my life. They feel like tangible things I can do to put myself in the best position to have a good day. I have asked myself many times “what is the lesson in this”. What am I supposed to learn through this season of my life? I find peace in calling it a season because even though seasons might hang around a little longer than you’d like them to… they are still just a season and they change/move along eventually.
So, my hope is that if you are in a hard season as you read this… you will know that it will change and move along eventually. And while you are waiting for it to get on its merry way, you will try to look for the lesson and maybe just find some small tangible things you can do for yourself during this season to help you find the best version of yourself you can be!