Humpday: Oh Snap

Is a day of one-liners.  I’ve decided.  Between myself and my friends, we are a bunch of funny fucking people.

Auto Correct Fails (because my phone has a mind of it’s own and it’s just as twisted as mine):

  • Porta Potty = Portal Hottie
  • Honkey Tonk = Monkey Ride
  • Cheater = Chester
  • Okey Dokie = Okay Donkey (submitted by a 3rd party who wishes to remain annonymous)

So Pretty:

  • Tom: “That door isn’t automatic” (as he is almost smacked in the face with it closing on him)
  • Ingrid: “You’re pretty”
  • Tom: “Thank you.  Wait, what?  Was there another word after that?”
  • Ingrid: “No.  Just pretty.”
  • Tom: “Not pretty awesome or pretty cool?”
  • Ingrid: “No”
  • Tom: “Oh, okay.”

Unofficial Spanish (both courtesy of Justin):

  • Jelly Bean (real spanish): Jalea de Frijol
  • Jelly Bean (fancier aka fake spanish): La Jelly Beanesa

Recent conclusion:

  • Testosterone actually rots some brain cells.
  • Ingrid: “They should probably do a study on it, involving nipple clamps and a car battery”
  • Justin: “That’s my joke”
  • Ingrid: “It’s such a good visual”
  • Justin: “It stimulates me”

Everyday (text) Conversations with Joni aka Muffin, Nugget, Lover Pants:

  • Joni: “Meow”
  • Ingrid: “Ruff”
  • Joni: “Some like it… ruff”
  • Ingrid: “Hellz yeah”

Hillary (she who makes me pee myself with laughter):

  • Boy: “I’ve never had anyone say I’ve made their day”
  • Hillary: “What?”
  • Boy: “Yeah, what a bummer, huh”
  • Hillary: “Well, when you came running up with your bulging muscles waving in the wind… it made my day”
  • <insert ingrid laughing so hard she had to bend over so she literally didn’t pee herself>
  • Hillary: “I mean, I know you’re young as shit… but whatever”
  • Ingrid: “This whole coversation just made my day”
  • Boy: “Sweet… I have now made two people’s day”

Real time grace:

  • As I’m typing all of this, I giggle and drool coffee on my white shirt
  • Indication 817 as to why I’m still single
  • I’m one dainty fucking flower

Last but not least, very simply:

  • VaJetta
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