Old Email…

I found this old email to my mother… I laughed so hard reading it that I decided to post it again.  I’m sure at some point I posted it… but I can’t remember now and well it just needs to be posted.

Sent: Wednesday, February 10, 2010 4:10 PM
Subject: Ingrid’s Near Death Experience (funny, don’t fret)

 So… Yesterday after a long, hard day at work I decide to shovel the driveway.  I don’t need to, the landlord does it but I figured it would be a good “workout”.  I proceed to shovel my entire driveway and look fashionable and independent while doing it.  Satisfied that I have burned off a fair amount of calories and made a solid effort on my driveway, I go back inside.

But wait, I have locked myself out with no keys and no phone.  So, being the very stable and rational person I am I brace one foot against the door frame and frantically yank on the doorknob until my hat practically falls off.  I decide this may raise some alarm among the neighbors and stop.  I eye up my windows and remember I dutifully locked them all when winter hit and they are still locked.  Safety first!  

I go to my car and realize that, like a good girl, I have locked that too.  I stand there sniffling and trying to remain calm with a shovel in my hand.  I decide to go ahead and shovel the landlord/neighbor’s driveway while I wait.  For warmth.

Now, at some point I start to realize that I’m probably going to freeze to death and it’s going to be like one of those specials where they find the person frozen in their last position with icicles hanging from their nose.  Obviously, totally remaining calm.  I eye up the neighbors and think I could maybe ask them for help… then realize my cell phone has made me forget everyone’s number except my mothers.  So, what can mom do?  I realize she can go ahead and log in as me on facebook and post a frantic status that I’m stranded outside and need help.  Another totally rational decision on my part.

Somewhere along this thought process I get to the end of the neighbor’s driveway and start to panic a little.  The neighbors dogs are all watching me with interest… which makes me bitter because they are all warm and cozy and I’m not.

Luckily along comes the neighbor and after listening to me retell my near death experience tries to hand me the key… which is hard since he is trying so hard not to laugh at the woman in hysterics in his entryway.

Moral of the story… I need a piece of fake poop to hide a key under because that’s the 8th time I’ve locked myself out of my house.  I’m so secure… even I can’t break in!!!

I love you all and just wanted to bring a smile to your faces!  I’m alive and planning on hiding a spare key sooner rather than later!!

Happy Winter!

Ingrid

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