What makes it all worthwhile?
Having a crummy start to the day, having an amazing evening after work, making a heart wrenching discovery, working through it as a team, waking up calm.
In past relationship experiences, after the heart wrenching discovery, would have come massive arguing, name calling, defensive reactions and unproductive hours of pain and confusion. Everyone screws up now and again, it’s how they handle themselves when the blunder comes to light or is put into a new light. If the person who is the initiator of the blunder reacts by getting angry and yelling at the other person, there is little to be salvaged after that.
If they react with concern and a cooperative attitude, there is many things that can be done from there. Allowing the non-blunderer to work through their emotions safely and without harsh words allows everyone to stay cool and really focus on what is important. After all, the little thing that prompts most arguments isn’t the real cause of the argument, the root of the problem is usually another issue like jealousy, trust, anger, etc.
Actions always speak louder than words. Every good guy must realize that every bad guy has said the same things:
– I would never lie to you
– I am not like those other guys
– I would never hurt you
– I would never cheat
While the good guy’s intentions may be as pure as the driven snow, they are still the same bullshit lines that every girl has gotten from at least one guy who ended up doing all those things he said would never do, and most likely did them in grand style. If you want to really win a girls heart, take the time to show her that you wouldn’t do those things. Besides, saying “never” has gotten many people over the years in big trouble. Say all those things if you want, but just realize that the words themselves are featherweights, compared to the actions to back them up with will pour a concrete foundation that will create a stable relationship that you both can be proud of.
There will be hurt in relationships. It is an unavoidable reality. It’s making sure that the hurts are unintentional and rare is the key.
I asked my cousin once who has been in what I consider a successful relationship/marriage for a long time… “Doesn’t your husband ever hurt you (feelings, not physically)?” Her response, “Oh god yeah, but never intentionally or maliciously”. What should have seemed obvious was a total epiphany for me.
Everybody hurts, keeping it to the minimum, constructive hurts is important.
My recent hurt ended in the best way possible. It was not a malicious hurt, but rather born from ignorance of the consequences of certain actions. Corrective action was taken immediately and a very constructive conversation about boundaries followed. Waking up the next day calm was a sign of a good end to the incident. I learned, he learned. What started as a hurt, ended in a positive experience of growth and bonding. Which is the best kind of Neosporin for heart-hurts.