Direction

I’m always being told that I should do more.  Become more.  That I have all this talent and it should be used and not wasted.  I feel like a jack of all things crafty, wordy and sparkly.  Which is cool, however anyone that is good at a fair amount of things knows that it is hard to narrow it all down. 

Doing all those things gives me great joy.  However, doing all those things has yet to give me any financial rewards.  So how does someone know that they truly are wasting away their talent and should be creating a business, writing a book or doing more in the community?  Or is this something that everyone feels?  Does everyone that drives to work every day and works in a cubicle feel like there is something more for them. Something brighter, more soulful, more rewarding, more inspiring, more colorful… just more out there for them? 

Is this what having a human experience is about?  Chosing what path you should do without driving yourself into financial ruin?  I’d love to quit everything today and start writing, crafting, inspiring, painting, talking, and doing anything to fill the void I feel most days while I sit in my swivel chair on crappy carpet surrounded by 100 other people on their swivel chairs. 

However, I’d still have my student loan, car payment, personal loan, car insurance, cell phone bill, and the pesky need to eat a few times a day.  I know I want more, but don’t know if I deserve more.  I see so many more talented people than me out there making it big.  It’s similar to going to the mall on lunch and envying everyone walking around in jeans and t-shirts in the middle of the day. 

You stare at these people and want to shake them and demand to know what they do for a living?  How is it that you are at the mall, shopping, eating, laughing and enjoying life while I’m 17 minutes into a 30 minute lunch break and anxiously shoveling my food into my mouth so that I have a healthy dose of indigestion while I walk around the mall and pretend to enjoy the rest of my lunch… tick tock. 

I logically know that these people are probably on vacation, on lunch (with a more casual dress code), on unemployment, bank robbers or bazillionaires.  Yup, those are the categories they fit into when I am loathing them.  It’s the same for all the crafty people I see, hear about, stalk blogs about and buy their wonderful paintings, cards, etc.  I know that at one point they were just like me, sitting here wondering what to do next, KNOWING there is more out there, but not knowing if it is meant for them.  And something changed, something pushed, something snapped, crackled and popped them into their current role. 

It wasn’t pleasant, it wasn’t comfortable, it was probably terrifying, but it happened. Some of them thrived, some of them are the unemployed people at the mall.  Which will I be?  Who fricken knows.  But if I end up unemployed at the mall, at least I’ll get lunch if I walked past that place that gives out fried chicken on a stick to everyone that passes… 37 times.

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Your dreams may be closer than they appear.

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