I don’t know about other engaged people, but the hardest thing for me to conquer to start with is the battle between what is practical, and what is wonderfully wedding whimsical. I’d love to have the perfect venue with yummy food and music to die for. However, all that adds up to frankly just too much money. This dilemma of money vs. wedding wants leaves me constantly trying to decide what is necessary versus what is unnecessary, however still nice to have versus what I don’t need at all.
I have obviously been following too many blogs where people have either saved for a LONG time or have family money, or have maxed out their credit cards. I don’t want to be the later of that list. I do however want to make the event something that people are grateful they traveled for. I have family that will be traveling great distances to wish me luck in this journey of marital bliss.
Honestly we’ve had a recent loss in the family that has made it hard to think about all this stuff without feeling petty or like I was focusing on the wrong things. I lost my Aunt Mary un-expectantly last week and on one hand it makes me appreciate what I have, life, love, my physical experiences… so much. However, I also feel like deciding what colors to choose seems so menial in the grand scheme of things when family members have lost their sister, mother, grandmother, etc.
I’m so thankful to have recently started going to church and renewing my faith. Honestly, if I hadn’t felt closer to God than I have… well ever… this would have probably pushed me over the edge and I wouldn’t have been able to cope at all. Having a renewed faith and true belief that I will see Aunt Mary again and all my other family… has helped. I have “talked” to Aunt Mary daily since she left us. I have asked her to be with those who are hurting the most, I have asked her what’s it’s like up there, and asked God to look over those who are still here and hurting very much.
She didn’t answer me, not in a “I hear voices” kind of way anyways. I do know that I feel better every time I “talk” to her and God about everything that’s going on and it makes me feel closer to her and everyone.
So, from shallow thoughts of weddings and sparkles to deeper thoughts of family and forever. What a Monday!