Sunday, Steaks and Sledgehammer

Nothing caps off a wonderful weekend like my fiance grilling up some steaks, sharing some of our favorite wine (sledgehammer) and having the weather be just perfect.  Not too hot, not too cold, you can easily regulate your temperature without getting naked or piling on 17 heated blankets. 

Even though I’ve been crazy busy at work, I’ve found myself heavily in contemplation lately.  It’s interesting to work in an office.  There are so many different people, from different walks of life, different prioritization styles, communication styles and coping styles.  I find it a struggle sometimes to constantly remind myself to be/think kindly of people when we are interacting.  Sometimes I find myself thinking that someone is being blatanty rude or only slightly kinder than a vampire and I forget to take a moment and realize that I am in fact not the center of the universe and someone’s attitude has only about a 17% chance of being because of/purposely directed at me.

I think mastering the skill of perspective, detatchment and patience (and extra kindness) are really the keys to my career.  I am extremely direct at times.  What I mean to be honest and focused, comes across sometimes as short and bitchy.  Not that I don’t think a good captain obvious day couldn’t benefit every once in a while, I need to learn to breathe, refocus and then react.

It’s a hard balance sometimes keeping in perspective that it is “just” work and there are so many other far more important things in life to focus my energies on.  However I have put my heart, soul and parts of my sanity into my job since the beginning of the year and for the first time in my life I understand how people can become totally consumed by their jobs.  Pride, is a bitch.  I want to do well.  I want to be proud of what I’m doing every day and want to be viewed as a valuable addition to a team, not a hinderence.  However, no matter how well I do at work, I will someday be fired, moved, or whatever because it is just a business… and pride won’t save me then.

Really at the end of the day I want to be a good person.  I want to be a good addition to all the parts of my life, personal and professional.  I want to constantly grow and become more calm, at ease and mindful about where I am in life.  And I want to be all that now.  Have I told you about my patience problems?  It’s right up there with my slight peanut butter addiction and my love of (obsession with) scarves.

I do feel grateful to have many people in my life who are farther along this path than I am.  I have some of the best conversations with my aunts, friends/bridesmaids, father and fiance about these things.  I think it is also enlightening to know that other people would definitely rank me slightly kinder than I rank myself.  I think that is because they can’t read my mind… that I know of.

So, I’ll end my day with a few observations:

– It’s good that at least I know I have room to grow and have some kind of idea the direction I would like to grow in.

– I feel more enlightened after a couple of days not working my fingers to the bone (weird…)

– I am lucky and blessed to have had so many days to grow and am hopeful to have many more days to try, succeed and/or fail.  Succeeding or failing doesn’t matter to me… at least I’m alive and trying. 



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