Book Ending March. 

The last post was the first of March and here I find myself on a flight home on the last day of March. 

I’m so looking forward to warm weather at home. My work takes me to warmer climates and it’s not until I get there that I realize how much I missed the sun on my face, the warmth, and less layers and layers and layers of snow that equal what seems like half of the year in Wisconsin. 

I’ve been making an effort to appreciate all the seasons (of life and the year). So, I appreciate winter and spring because it creates excitement and anticipation for summer. It makes summer feel special and a time to cherish and squeeze every last drop out of it that I can. 

That said, my appreciation has grown, but my patience… not so much. I’m appreciative, but over it. I’m ready to be in the “savor the moments of summer”, rather than the “bring an extra sweater and scarf” mode. 

I’m ready for the windows to be open and to be enjoying the outside with other people. I find summer to be a season that brings people together. I’ve spent the winter in a bit of a hermit mode and am looking forward to spreading my rusty wings and get out there!

In short, it’s been cool (literally) winter and spring… but I’m ready for a break. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m hooked on summer ☀️

A little levity for your Wednesday

Yesterday I went to the local chiropractor.  I was inspired to do this because a dear friend (and chiropractor) at a recent Cancun retreat was kind enough to adjust my neck several times while on vacation.  If you’ve never seen a neck being adjusted – imagine any zombie movie you know when the hero/heroin grabs the zombie by the face and snaps their neck.  Then insert yourself as the zombie and the chiropractor as the hero… but in a happy turn of events you survive the neck adjustment… and feel amazing on top of it.

Anyways, I wanted to continue getting adjusted (physically) and decided to seek out the local chiro in my area.  She adjusted my neck in a different manner, using a syringe looking thing with a pencil eraser on the end of it that just made this cute little popping sound.  This… is less impressive than the neck snap maneuver so I was totally not sure it would do anything.  While she was at it she adjusted my lower back mentioning that it was a little out and that it could be having an impact on my digestion… again using the magic popping pencil eraser.

Fast forward to a few hours later in the evening, my neck was SO tender and sore and my stomach was very upset.  I can’t say for sure that it was totally due to the magic pencil eraser tool or not, but regardless it was very uncomfortable.  So after taking Tylenol… and ibuprofen… I went to bed hoping that sleep would take away my aches.  I also might have farted when I got into bed.  When my husband got into bed I smelled what I am SURE was the aroma of a dead animal.  I proceeded to scold him for the next 10 minutes about not “cutting it off” before he got into bed.  He kept swearing it wasn’t his fart, but mine.  Which was NOT possible.  That kind of smell does not come out of my body.

Fast forward again to a bit later when I am in the kitchen getting some more water and tums for my belly… and I fart again… and then it occurs to me (aka hits me in the olfactory) that it WAS in fact the smell of death coming out of my very own body.  I was mortified and equally in awe that my body could make anything that smelled like that.  I did finally tell my husband that it was in fact my butt that was the offender, not his… and he graciously accepted my apology for so adamantly accusing him of the crime.  Then I told him it wasn’t my fault at all, but definitely the adjustment from the chiropractor.  It must have stirred something up.  Again, I can’t prove that for a fact, but it makes me more comfortable than any other explanation of how my body produced something so offensive.

Today all my systems seem to be functioning as expected so I’m assuming that the worst has passed.  I do have another appointment on Friday and I’m equal parts interested and terrified about what will come out of that visit.  Literally.

So, in between all the enlightenment and growth that I try to let in to each of my days… sometimes normal old flatulence gets in there too… and makes for a good story.

Moral of the story: Careful what all your physical and emotional adjustments stir up… you might be surprised!!

Don’t worry, no one else knows what the f*ck they are doing either. 

One of the best tidbits of advice I got was given to me by my cousin Carmen 15 years ago while I was first navigating the corporate world and figuring out which jobs I was “qualified” for.

She told me that no one knows exactly how to do a job they are applying for. Also, how boring would that be. I promise that the other people in this world that are doing the thing you want to do, didn’t know how to do it when they started. 

The people who end up with their next ‘big gig’ have faith in themselves and their abilities that they will figure it out.

This little tidbit has gotten me through so many new adventures in my life that seemed scary at first. I just focus on what I want, the resources I have, and ALWAYS keep my communication skills and personal development as top priorities. The exact “how’s” just come with time. 

So – grasshopper – go for the promotion, better job, dream vacation, first date, sell the house, start the new hobby or whatever it is that you have been yearning to do… but have convinced yourself you can’t. 

Because… why not you? Why not now?

And just remember, no one else knows what the fuck they are doing either. 

‘Soul’er Panel

I was thinking today about how in order to “shine your light” onto the world, other people, etc. that you would need to actually have the light available within you to shine.  Kind of like a flashlight needing batteries or a solar yard light needing the sun.

I love this thought because so many people think that taking time for themselves (personal development, self-care, time alone, massages, etc) is a selfish act.  However, when you think of it as a necessary step in order to have the fuel/battery/power to give to others… it then becomes a necessary step in being a more altruistic person.

I personally love taking time for myself and strengthening my mental and emotional fortitude.  I love growth, a good challenge, and helping others do those same things.  If I don’t take time to grow personally, I don’t have the ammunition to help others do the same.  One of the most rewarding moments I have is when a little tidbit of information or a certain meditation practice that touched my soul, helps someone else wade through their shit when I share it.

So just imagine that your soul needs refueling just like anything else in order to be the best version of yourself. Then sit down and think about what makes you feel like you are at your best… and do it.  Do it often.  Self-care is soul-charging.

This is how people go crazy…

I’m on day 8 of on and off ear-ringing (tinnitus) in my right ear.  I now totally understand why people might jab sharp things into their ear… or run around with their ears covered screaming like a mad person.

About 1 week ago on a work trip, I ended up being escorted via ambulance to the local emergency room to address my acute symptoms of 1) ear ringing 2) vertigo 3) vomiting in waste basket at office… and then in ambulance.  I went from “normal” me to “puddle of vomiting sweaty person” in about 35 minutes.  The EMTs gave me some glorious medicine to stop me from vomiting, which was much appreciated by me… and my two coworkers riding in the ambulance with me.

Once I made it to the ER, and after peeing the last remaining fluids in my body into a cup… I then waiting to see the doctor for a good hour or so.  I was hooked up to an IV to give me some fluids while I waited… and waited… and waited.  Finally the ER doctor came in and after about 8 minutes of talking (after 2 hours of transport/sitting/waiting) she informs me that I likely have Menier’s Disease and that I should see an ENT.  And proceeds to let me know I can leave.

Hold the phone.  1) you tell me I have an incurable and chronic condition all nonchalant like… FU. and 2) give me some of these magic anti pukey pukey pills to take with me then.

I got the drugs and was magically let go / ushered out in about 1/200th of the time it took to get in and be seen.  Like magic.

I spent the next few days on WebMD and other sites looking up Menier’s Disease… hyperventilating, looking it up again, hyperventilating, then just focusing on what I could control and moving on.

The most common things I am reading is “no caffeine, no alcohol, less salt, less stress”.  Okay, so for the last week I’ve been adhering to all those things, and yet am still having daily episodes of ear ringing and mild-medium episodes of verdigo.

I fly home from my work trip with no new/acute problems from my ears, thank the sweet baby jesus.  And start to try to get into see the ENT.  Which, as it turns out, is like trying to see the president of the united states.  WTF is up with that?  Isn’t there a fast track like,

  • Are you having acute symptoms now?
  • Have you considered Van Gough-ing your troublesome ear?
  • Have you considered what a pig ear replacement would look like, and yet are still considering it?
  • D – All of the above – plus the irrational urge to scare away normal patients in the waiting room to get their spot.

Yup, D.

So… again, in the meantime trying to not let anxiety take total control.  Focusing on the things I CAN control… Nutrition, Exercise, Logging of Episodes for stupid doctor to read when I finally get seen, Researching Essential Oils to use, Learning Pressure Points, Learning naked moon dances (haha – not yet, but I’d consider it) to make the symptoms less, or absent all together.

I’m holding out hope that it is not Menier’s, and maybe something else that causes ear pressure, tinnitus (ear ringing) and vomiting… and wrapped up in a bundle o’ awesome on the daily.

So, on day 8… I’d say I am still doing all the things I normally would, just a bit slower.  So, I consider that a victory.  Saying some prayers and doing some meditating towards an answer… naked moon dancing… here I come!!!!

 

 

 

Put me in coach… I’m ready to play…

Today.

I’ve been doing this life coaching thing since about February and I LOVE it.  It is such a great outlet for me to gently evaluate myself and where I’m at in life (physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc) and non-judgmentally decide if I should stay the course, or pick a new navigational beacon to follow.

Some of my favorite topics so far have been:

Courageous Conversations: The ability to have a conversation where you intentions are pure and you care coming from a place of kindness.  My tendancy is to fall back to a place of sarcasm and deflection when I’m in a conversation I don’t care for.  Which, I still do most of the time, it’s just now I am aware of this tendency and can evaluate it as it’s happening, or after it has happened.  Mostly I now have the opportunity to really think about WHY that conversation made me uncomfortable or upset… which is really the heart of the issue.  Once I understand that, the courageous part of the conversation really falls into place.

Triggers: This has become quite the buzz word while I’ve been in this program. I don’t what else to call them… “shit that makes my eye twitch and makes me want to slap you”… is really long, so I guess we will stick with trigger.  It is so interesting to me to have better tools to sit back and think about WHY I’m triggered about something or someone.  It helps remove the raw edge off the feeling and replaces it with a curiosity and puzzle-aspect.

Embracing Imperfection: Being fine with not understanding, not doing the right thing, freaking out when you weren’t at your best, etc.  We are human.  The thing is to NOT beat yourself up about something you’ve already done (it’s in the past).  The only thing to do is move forward and treat it as a new tool. Every experience (good or bad) is a blessing in a sense because it means you’re still alive.  It’s an opportunity to learn and grow.  To find out how to repeat positive experiences, or how to avoid or ease away from negative experiences in the future.

It goes without saying that these are not earth-shattering ideas.  However, with an open heart and mind… they mean so much more.  When you are kindly curious about yourself and life, you become kinder to everyone in it… which includes yourself!!  THIS… has been the best gift.  A kindness to myself and love for myself which is still a work in progress, but totally invaluable in the long term.

I can’t say enough about the benefits of life coaching in person, through personal development books, audio books, youtube videos, etc. The time is NOW.  There are SO many resources out there for anyone who is just curious enough to want to better understand yourself.

If you want information about the life coaching program I’m going through, message me through the blog and I’d be happy to share.  I’ll be sharing some of the personal development videos, books, etc on here as well.

PS – Go get a massage.  You need it, even if you think you don’t.  You’re welcome.