Captain Flatulence

Here’s the thing about living in a house with boys… you must constantly be aware and on the lookout for various flatulent-related incidents. These can occur at any time, with or without a warning of a grimace or visible butt flex. Once in a while you get a well-aimed lifted leg/butt cheek pointed your direction. Do not contemplate what is about to happen. Run. Do not walk, into the other room. Stay there. Maybe just relocate there all together.

Last night we had a mini man who had a butt that was loaded and ready for action at a moment’s notice. The slightest change in location on the couch, wind from the furnace or the undesired change of channel could elicit what can only described as a little butt bomb going off in your vicinity.

At my insistence that he squeeze his butt cheeks together to avoid this rapid escape of air and stench, he loudly informed me that squeezing his cheeks together only made the sound louder followed by a demonstration. Complete with visual and smell effects. After this performance, we had to strongly suggest he walk to the other side of the living room when his butt felt the tremble precursor to the imminent fart. This solution seemed to work well.

We soon learned however that he wasn’t aware of the “cut it off” technique used to stop a cloud o’ aroma from following you back to your original location. Jason insisted on a double cut off since the offender seemed insistent on continuing to let loose the gassy leftovers of his day. Following many demonstrations, doubled over giggles (resulting in more farting) and a final seal of approval on the technique, we were all settled in.

Little did we know there was an encore performance. The next wave of gas involved calling the dog from the other room and timing said farts with the running of the husky. Apparently we have been watching too many ridiculous reality shows lately.

The evening ended with a pleasant discussion of what the world would be like if every fart could be seen (a colored cloud) that would also display the name of the offending flatulator. What a wonderful world it would be.