Wednesday Fun with Foto

 

 

The following is a sampling of what happens when a bottle of wine and a self-timer on a digital camera meet…  I am by no means a professional photographer.  I’m not even a non-professional photographer.  I do however love (LOVE) to document life through a flash on a camera or a little click on my phone.  My fiance is 100% supportive of my random demands for him to stand in a field.  

I love him for this.  

I love him for many things, but his willingness to try anything and do so with a positive attitude is one of my absolute favorite things about him.  I love being around him, planning new adventures with him and enjoy calling him my best friend. Of course I type this as I yell at him to not read my blog while I write it because I like him to read it on his own time… because as any good fiance would do, he subscribes to my blog so he is notified when I write something new.  His interest in my hobbies is reason 812.7 that I think he is the one for me.  :)  

Happy 1 year and 8 days until “the” day.

Yee… Haw.

Countdowns…

There are 12 months and 9 days until our wedding day.
There are 23 more invisalign trays until I’m done with braces (again).
There are 2 months and 2 days until a huge project at work goes live.
There are 6 months until I need to send out save the dates
There are 6 months left until we need to start our pre-marital counseling
There is 1 week until I pick up my custom wedding band from Chalmer’s Jewelers
There is not enough time in my day to think about all this stuff… but I try.

With all these deadlines and milestones looming, there are definitely times when I forget to take a moment to stop and appreciate how far I’ve come. I am always reminding myself that I am truly blessed to have not only the ability but will to work every day. The desire to be healthy. The drive to not only “do” but “do right”. The empathy to feel for others. The sarcasm to deal with the empathy-challenged humans in my life. The wonderful inherent ability to wake up every morning with a fresh outlook on life. The wonderful fact that I’m not allergic to chocolate, wine or peanut butter {that my friends, would be utterly tragic}. I’m thankful all my digits are attached, I have the right amount of them, and they for the most part do just what I want them to. The realization that I don’t have to be friends with everyone and that’s okay. Choosing to not have people in my life is sometimes just as important as choosing to nurture the relationships with the people I do keep in my life. Being able to sit on the couch at night, blog my little heart away with freshly painted nails, huskies at my feet and a couple of tired boys on either side of me… all while being grateful and content.

All that to say I am having a night with the gratitude is flowing. Jason’s Mom so kindly offered to help out the family next week and it is just such a nice gesture. The relief it offers is worth a million dollars {note: i do not have a million dollars… } She recently posted something referring to me as her future daughter-in-law. Just a sign of things to come… pretty awesome stuff.

Happy Tuesday!

True. Story.

1-9-12 = E-Day

I’m engaged.

I got engaged about 6:20ish on Wednesday, January 9th.  At Biaggi’s off Old Sauk Road in Madison, WI.  Settle in… here’s the story… 

Just another Wednesday:

It was a normal Wednesday.  I had to work and then had a doctor’s appointment right afterwards.  Normally Jason and I have a dinner/date night on Thursday night.  On this week however, Jason was getting his wisdom teeth removed on Thursday and I had the thought that we would be able to do our normal dinner.  This was key because when Jason suggested we go out for dinner Wednesday night, it was right along with what I was thinking so I didn’t think it was odd at all.

He suggested that we meet after my doctor’s appointment and change it up by going to dinner in Madison somewhere.  That sounded fine to me. I was starting a cold and was a little indifferent and tired.  As long as he was there and food was served, I was going to be happy.

Once my appointment was over and we made meeting arrangement (Kwik trip on Highway 19 by the interstate)… very clandestine. I sat in the car and patiently waited.  I listened to the radio and watched cars come and go.  Normally a very impatient person, I was completely content to sit and wait for Jason.  He mentioned he was just getting on the interstate so I assumed he had just come from home.

Once he met me there we decided to leave my car and ride together.  When I hopped in his car, I noticed he was clean-shaved, had a button down shirt on and smelled pretty darn good.  I was teasing him and thinking how nice he looked.  Jason likes to look nice when we go out to dinner, especially somewhere new… so I wasn’t at all suspicious or excited at this point.  Just tired and happy.  We rode most of the way to dinner in either silence, or me rambling on about work and my day, etc.  He was pretty calm (looking back and knowing what I know now).

I asked where we were going and he said, “The west side”.  This was surprising since we didn’t eat on the West Side of Madison very often.  So I asked if he had a plan… he replied, “Of course I have a plan!”.  A little stronger response than I was expecting so I just laughed and went along with it.  It was clear he was trying to be clever and surprise me so I didn’t ask any questions and just enjoyed the ride.  He ends up taking the Old Sauk exit which leads to a couple different restaurants and finally pulls into Portofino Place.

Location/setting the stage:

We show up at the restaurant and have to park way in the back.  Jason seems a little flummoxed and declares that he should have dropped me off and then parked.  I told him that was nonsense because I liked to walk.  We walked hand in hand past panera bread, which he pretended was where we were going for a minute (it wasn’t very convincing because he doesn’t really like to eat there anyways).  Then we continued to make our way around to Biaggi’s front entrance. 

He swung the door open for me and the hostess looked very happy to see us.  She asked if we had reservations, I just shrugged and looked at Jason.  The restaurant looked half empty so it didn’t occur to me that we would have one (or that Jason even would have thought to make one since I didn’t even know he knew this restaurant existed!).  Jason declared that we did and she found him on a list and promptly crossed him off.

We went around the hostess area and started off through the maze of tables in the dining area. Most of the inner tables were empty, however most of the booths were taken.  There was one lone booth in the far corner that was empty, except a giant vase of pretty flowers.  I had a suspicion that might be our table but quickly swatted it away… UNTIL that is exactly where the hostess took us!  Now, everyone has asked if THAT was the moment I knew something was going to happen. 

Not. At. All. 

Jason has been known, on several occasions, to really shine with romantic flair, unknown to many closest to him… he really has a romantic zeal about him when he puts his mind to it.  The thought that he might have called ahead and confirmed or arranged some kind of sweet-heart dinner deal was not that far-fetched and that is what I decided must have happened.

Our waiter came up to our table and asked what the occasion was.  Jason replied that it was just a nice dinner out for both of us.  I thought that was very sweet and the waiter promptly went off and fetched a candle to amp-up our lovely dinner atmosphere. After twisting our arms (not) to up our drink from glasses of wine to a bottle, and watching us eat our bread like rabid wildebeests, he suggested some food options for us.  Here is a summation of those details…

Food/Drink:

We enjoyed a bottle of this wine (Fontanafredda Briccotondo Barbera 2010) because it came highly recommended by the waiter due to our love of Pinot Noirs and also because it was made in Italy… similar to Jason… And is was amazing!

My main course: BUTTERNUT SQUASH RAVIOLI
Roasted butternut squash-filled ravioli tossed in
a sage-brown-butter sauce with toasted walnuts,
diced butternut squash and Parmesan cheese.

Jason’s main course: CHICKEN PARMESAN
Breast of chicken delicately breaded, lightly fried and baked
with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. Served with
spaghetti tossed in our light tomato cream sauce.

“On the House” dessert we shared: TORTA CIOCCOLATA
A chocolate lover’s dream – dense chocolate
cake with a rich chocolate-walnut icing.
Served warm with vanilla ice cream.

“The” Moment:

It was after we had ordered our main courses and while licking our fingers clean of our first bread basket that Jason started to get exceedingly twitchy.  He was looking around the restaurant so much I started to become curious that maybe we were meeting someone there and that was the surprise. I asked why he kept looking like he was looking for someone?  AND… why was he being so twitchy!  He assured me he was just hungry.  I do weird things when I get hungry, so this was a plausible explanation.

Suddenly he turns to me, hold my knee and says, “I hope this is a surprise!”…

Awkward Pause…

Me: “What is a surprise?” — smiling at my odd boyfriend.

Jason: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Yes!” — still thinking… “haven’t we been over this before, of course I’ll marry you someday”.

THEN… DUN DUN DUN {that’s my dramatic music notes)

He pulls out the most amazing and gorgeous ring… ever.  And tries to hand it to me… NOW I’m excited!  I demand that he place the ring on my finger, because that is definitely how it is supposed to be done.  Then I proceed to giggle, hysterically.  We kissed, a lot.  More giggling happened.  Repeat, repeat.

He told me he wanted to say so much more, but it just didn’t work out (how cute).  I said that was fine, he could tell me another time.  Then he admitted the reason he had been so distracted was because he wanted to get down on one knee but just couldn’t figure out the logistics with the way the booth was set up and all the waiters milling about.  It was okay with me.  I think it ended up perfect and perfectly us!

The waiter comes up to check on our wine/bread situation and I very demurely shout at him, “I JUST GOT ENGAGED!!!!!”… Accompanied with dramatic gestures to my ring and a huge smile.  Yup, my waiter was the first person I told. 

I immediately turned to Jason and said, “Don’t tell my Mom that I told a waiter before her!”.

The waiter was so excited for us! He had a waiter-in-training as his side kick that evening and he was also so very excited for us!  They even gave us free dessert!  They took our picture for us, which is wild because they had to offer… normally I’m quick with the camera and not shy to ask for photo-assistance… I was not firing on all photo-cylinders… obviously!

Spreading the word & revelations:

I called my Mom, Dad and Sister immediately and filled them in.  After talking with my Dad is when Jason let me in on another secret.  He had called and asked my Dad for permission to marry his daughter!  THAT… made me so happy.  It was so special that he included my Dad and they had this special secret and moment that is just there’s.  How special is that?  It makes me love him that much more!

He also revealed at this time that he had come to the restaurant earlier and HAND DELIVERED the bouquet of flowers that he had picked out himself earlier that evening!  How’s that for planning and thoughtfulness?  I’m falling in love with the evening all over again just retelling it!  <3

I found out that he had hand-picked the center diamond of the solitaire and then picked the setting to go with it.  He told me all about the cut, color and quality of the diamond.  It all went right over my head since I had absolutely ZERO input to his searching, deciding or buying my ring.  He was adamant that it was his special secret and decision to make.  He did darn good! 

On our way home, between staring at my sparkly ring and calling each other “fiance” randomly, I also let a couple of friends know because I was so excited.  I did rush in and change my status after a few people mentioned the exciting news on Facebook.  Changing from “in a relationship” to “engaged” for all my friends and family to see (all over the continent) and be congratulated on the same day… was pretty special!

We took our little party down to the Thirsty Moose (bar on the lake by our house) where we basked in our little glory a while longer.  Finally tired, a little sickly and still full from dinner we crawled into bed and spent our first night together as an engaged couple.

The next morning:

I did have a moment of panic through the middle of the night where I realized I was agreeing to forever, that moment quickly passed followed by just a comforting sense of “agreeing to forever”.  Jason called Vince on his way to work (and Vince’s way to school) and told him the good news.  For a 10 year old who just found out his Dad was getting re-married… and sitting next to his Mom… he handled it really well.  He just said, “that’s cool” and told his Mom.  She wished us the best and that was the last really important chain of communication we needed to close.  It was nice to have everyone knowing and celebrating with us.

We have Vince this weekend so I can’t wait to see if he has extra questions or wedding input (he has turned out to be quite the little wedding planner when he gets ideas in his head).  The last time I asked him what he wanted to be “IF” (now WHEN!) his dad and I got married… he replied, “Security”.  That makes me smile every time I think of it.  I picture a t-shirt with a tux on the front and “event security” on the back. 

I have told most of my coworkers and still have moments of giddiness when I think about being engaged.  How exciting.  I’m looking forward to all the things that the next year or so have to bring and planning our big day.  I have no date in mind yet, no details ironed out.  I just now I’m getting married to the love of my life, my best friend and the kindest man I’ve ever known.  That’s enough.  More than enough.

Humorous side note:

On Tuesday (the night before) I had let my impatience get the best of me and had declared to Jason that I just KNEW that he wasn’t even trying to save, probably hadn’t even looked at rings, and wasn’t taking our possible future engagement seriously.  I was so upset and he kinda chuckled at me.  At that moment I envisioned ripping his arms off and beating him senseless. 

Now… I’m glad I didn’t.

Funny how things work out sometimes :)

A letter to parents…

More specifically, the parents who unfortunately did not stay together after bringing another life into this world.

Not only is divorce a sad reality of the world we live in today, but it also makes the already monumental task of parenting a child that much harder.

Do I have kids?  No. 

Do I devote numerous of hours a day to the academic, behavioral, emotional and social development of someone else’s child?  Yes. 

When I started dating my significant other, we talked about how impactful it would be on our relationship that they had a child from a previous relationship.  I decided I was up to the challenge.  Admittedly it has turned out to be far more emotionally, financially, physically and mentally draining than I had ever imagined it would be.  Conversely it has also been the most rewarding, worthwhile and impactful thing I have ever done.

One of the hardest things to wrap my head around and accept is that all the parenting and work on my end, does not a parent make.  I am considered at times the enemy by the original parent in my relationship.  I’m the replacement ref that was brought on the field to fill a role and although I am doing the best I can, there are a stadium of critics surrounding me.  Being in a “step” role (whether you’re married to the parent, in a long term relationship, etc) is not glamorous. They don’t say “ugly step parent wart” for nothing.  {Don’t worry, I’ve been examined by a dermatologist and I’m currently not sporting any step warts…}

All this I’m sure is not news to anyone.  What might be news however, is that in filling this role of parent/guardian, my goal is in fact to assist in the development of a child.  Not to undermine another parent.  It is also not my role to outshine, outdo, outsmart, outparent someone else. My role has nothing to do with someone else.  In fact, my end goal has more to do with myself than even with the child.  I want to look at myself in the mirror every single day and know that I have done the absolute best job I could do that day.  I made the right decisions, I did not cave to puppy dog eyes, I gave high fives, hugs and discipline when necessary.  I want to never feel like I gave less than am capable of giving. {Obviously I make mistakes somedays, like every other wart-toting authority figure does}

Why write this?  Because you, the parent need to know that.  Wouldn’t you rather know that when you aren’t around someone is there for your child in times of crisis, joy and learning? That someone is there to comfort, intervene or praise when necessary?  And wouldn’t you be so thankful that someone else did this because they WANTED to.  Not because they had to, were paid to, employed to or guilted into it.  Is there a better person to have around your child than someone who wakes up every day and aligns their day to give their best, so your child can benefit from that? 

So, I am challenging you to give the “other parent” in your life a little slack.  Know that even the knowledge that their lives would be easier, less complicated, less busy, less structured and their relationship far easier without your child in it, they wake up every morning choosing to “stay the course” and strive to be a constant positive addition to your child’s life.

I do not want to be you.  I do not want to replace you.  I don’t want to wear your skin or other creepy serial-killer-tendencies.  I want to have the best relationship I can have with my forever person, and that includes your child.  In order to have the best relationship I can, I am going to be the best “other parent” I can be.  Every day. For them, for us and for me.

Take comfort in that.  Be reassured by that.  Be thankful for that.

Even dysfunctional families are still families and nothing good ever comes of jealousy, envy, bitterness or spite.

I actually appreciate you, for creating the person I’m with today.  Without you (their history) there would be no us (our future).

Crazy, huh?

Be kinder to an “other parent” in your life today.  (hint: they might like chocolate)

Note: This is my plea, I cannot account for every other parent out there and know that there are cases that go against everything I have written.  I would like to think they are the exception and not the rule, but wanted to let you (the reader) know that I am not naive and disney-enough to believe this is the case for every family unit. But it is for mine.

Another Note: If a “other parent” tries to wear your skin, disregard all of the above and run fast.  Probably scream a lot too.

Our love…

We announce it daily to eachother.

More than once.

Maybe 12.7 times on average.

Sometimes we include pictures so it feels like we are saying it in person, instead of electronically.

Today’s electronic love fest was much more photogenic than usual. Especially since we both slept crappy.

Every morning Jason sends me a sweet good morning message. Usually it even rhymes…
– Have a marvelous Monday, terrific Tuesday, wonderful Wednesday, Thursday is pretty much a bye week for the rhyming, and Fabulous Friday.

I used to think they were so silly. But when he forgets to send them… I get a little perturbed. Apparently these tiny warm dizzies (haha dumb auto correct… blogging via phone causes thumb cramps and auto-correct mishaps) fuzzies have grown on me!

He also used to call me things like princess, fair lady, sweetest girl in the world. 

Alas… he knows me better now and has toned them down to more realistic adjectives like beautiful, smart and passionate.

I’m sure there are others but they usually aren’t words like patient, forgiving or stable mable.  Those are in my “needs improvement” column. Lol.

So, you too should have a tremendous Tuesday! And send a warm dizzy fuzzy… someone elses way!!

Over and out.

{early} morning craft project

This little nugget of craftiness called to me this morning while I was doing Zumba.

I knew I wanted to make a colorful wreath to hang on the wall. I finished zumba and immediately started cutting strips of fabric with my rotary cutter. In my haste, I tried to rid myself of a very important ring finger. Tsk tsk.

Jason found me sitting on the floor in my workout clothes staring at my bleeding finger. I giggled, bandaged myself up and showed him what I had created this morning… then I went and frosted the funfetti cake I had made the night before. All kinds of bright, colorful, painful, sprinkly goodness this morning. {ps… isn’t he handsome?}

Curiouser and Curiouser…

Watching someone unfold is a curious thing.

When you start a new relationship everyone tells you that you have blinders on, are looking through rose-colored glasses and are in the honeymoon stage.  They sit back and knowingly watch while layer after layer of mystery and fairy dust are lifted off their new love.  This is a well-known time of change and adjustment.  It’s feared, welcomed, ignored or embraced. 

So what’s the catch?  The catch is that this occurrence is not limited to the partner you chose to share your very intimate life moments and mortgage payments with.  This phenomenon happens with every budding friendship, new coworker, new job, new house, and really any other new and sparkly relationship you form with a person, place or thing.

People, regardless of the part they will play in the future of your life, are generally on their best behavior the first few trips around the block.  Your new boss isn’t going to throw you under the bus on your first day, your new friend isn’t going to borrow $5 and not pay you back before getting to know you a little better (and get to know your salary), the new route to work isn’t going to seem tedious the first few times you do it and your new house isn’t going to be a mental, physical and financial drain the first week of occupancy.

These relationships, realizations and transformations take time.  Everything has a layer of sparkle to it when it’s new.  I believe there is always a period of settling in that happens during these transitions.  Followed by a sharp sense of loss.  What happened to the sparkle?  Why is your cube-neighbor’s voice now the most shrill thing you’ve ever heard?  Why does the new route to work now cause your fingers to cramp up from the effort of not flipping off fellow commuters (and possible coworkers, bosses, etc)? – I’ve cut off coworkers before.  It’s way less satisfying when they come over and let you know they spilled something, had kids in the car, or almost got rear ended because you decided to shoot the gap and cross three lanes to reach the exit with the starbucks at the last minute. 

Why is it that your house will welcome rain drops, little bug roommates and hidden appliance damage 2.7 days after the warranty expires on them?  How does it know?  What did you do to it? 

Transitioning in all these other areas of life have the same cycle as your intimate relationship does.  Except for 1 really, really important factor.  When looking at a relationship, you are growing something.  You are cultivating a relationship that will stand the test of time, politics and broken air conditioners in the summer.  You know there will be ups, downs, sideways and sometimes deep black holes of nothingness… followed immediately by vodka and a renewed flair for your partner. 

That is not the case for the other areas of your life.  You can in fact decide that the unveiling of a coworker, friend, job, house is so hideous that you don’t want it anymore.  Now, this might happen in relationships too… but you generally give it more time.  You are in it for the long haul after-all.  A job?  You can find another.  Unless you have found your calling as a master cake baker and just got your job at the best bakery in the whole wide world where they let you bring your dog Fluffy and girlfriend Lola to work with you… you can and should leave it if it sucks out your soul. 

If your house is taking you for a ride, put it up for sell.  Rent it to someone else.  Fake your own death and move to the Caribbean.  You have options!  Don’t be that neighbor that hates his house, doesn’t mow his lawn, is constantly “remodeling” something.  Your house will be toilet papered.  Dogs will poop in your yard.  Things will go downhill.  Dandelions will thrive and with every new bloom of fluffy white seeds of Dandi… your spirit will crack.

I think in most instances we are hanging around too long waiting for all the fairy dust to fall away.  Here is a note to yourself.  Fairy dust and awesomeness do not fall away to reveal fairy prince’s (generally).  No, no… they start as fairy prince’s and end as toads.  When you first start something, someone or sometime… generally the moment you find it… the bar will be at its highest.  You are seeing them with all their glamour, good behavior, fake friends and fake tans.  If they aren’t utterly spectacular to start with, forget about it.  It’s only going to go downhill.

You know the saying… shoot for the moon, at least you will land among the stars?  Same applies here.  Shoot really high with your expectations because 9.7 times out of 10 your expectations were far higher than reality and reality can be a real bummer.

As a side note:

I was lucky enough to find a prince who remained a prince once the fog lifted and the clouds cleared.  He might not wear shiny armor or ride a pretty pony around, but that would be kind of weird anyways.  He does wear lots of Miller High Life, Harley Davidson and Fire Fighting Shirts… which are all similar to shiny armor in a “Wisconsin” kind of way.  He sends me sweet poems in the form of song lyrics, most recently some Bon Jovi and Uncle Cracker were serenading me by text message.

Most importantly he tells me I’m still just as nice, sweet and beautiful as the day we met.  So, you know what that means… he is obviously delusional.  I burp, complain about how cold it is in the house, I can’t seem to put my bra’s where they belong and perpetually “forget” to feed the fish (the fish food smells icky).  I know I’m not perfect, I know my fairy dust wore off a long time ago… probably one of the days I blog posted about something embarrassing regarding him, his son, his dog or something else and he realized his life would never be private. 

So, maybe the 9.7 out of 10 is a little bit of a “glass-half-empty” kind of statistic on my part.  But as usual it helped make it a good story, so I went with it.  As is my way with storytelling;the  bigger, wilder, sparklier and more full of wild arm gestures… the better.

** Disclaimer: They worked really hard at it and kept the balance of wine, chocolate and beer high in relation to laundry, parenting and lawn mowing.

Photo courtesy of: http://www.etsy.com/listing/71435151/happily-ever-after-print

Celebrate the Many Small Successes

 As a typical human being and a woman, I am very good at being discontent with things and complaining about them.  What is not going right is something that needs to be fixed, therefore gets our attention and energy.  I complain out loud about these things as a way to vent and to let my thoughts tumble around until I can get a grip on some kind of plan.  Sometimes, I do it just purely to vent about something I have no control over. 

We do this especially with our relationships because the person we are deciding to share our lives with gets to do just that, share our life.  Our mornings, afternoons, evenings, meals, bills, weather, driving, and many other things that can be easy targets and triggers for arguments and discontent.  It’s not that we dislike our “other-half”, not at all.  We love them very much.  Even when we are nagging, we wouldn’t want to be nagging at anyone else.  In fact we nag because we know they will still be there the next day even though we excessively talk AT them about things that we think need tweaking.

I am guilty about this and try to make an effort at times to balance that out and remind the man in my life of all the many ways in which he does good. 

I’m throwing him a “job-well-done” bone.  Chew it up… it’s juicy and rarer than it should be.

Good J quotes:

• “I love you with all my heart, which I’m sure is a normal size, but I think it is much bigger since I’ve been with you”
• “… but we did find each other and that is the best ever for me” (in response to me wishing we had found each other sooner)
• “I can’t wait to see my little Norwegian nut cracker” (in response to my referring to him as the Italian stallion)
• “I appreciate everything you do”
• “I love your smile”
• “You should have another, they are small” (in regards to anything chocolate-y, wine-y, or sparkle-y)

Proactive J:

• Grocery shopping while I was busy and without asking getting loads of fruits, vegetables, lunch meat and all kinds of other wonderful and healthy things
• Getting me flowers 3 times now in 9 months
• Opening the pool early for me this year and breaking his “pool doesn’t open until memorial day” rule
• Remembering to give me the small plate when making dinner
• Adjusting meals so they are healthier (because my metabolism is a snail compared to his)
• Taking the time to wave to me during his hockey games

Sweet J Moments:

• Winking across the couch
• Holding my knee when we ride the motorcycle
• Opening doors for me (even though I make him go in first when we go somewhere new)
• Randomly paying for my morning coffee
• Not complaining once when my alarm goes off 1 hour before his so I can work out
• Trying new things with me
• Cuddling with his son on one side and me on the other and making sure we both get equal time
• Remembering what my favorite wine is
• Remembering to put an ice-cube in my coffee so I can drink it right away
• Never once getting overwhelmed or flustered when I start planning our wedding details out loud when we aren’t even engaged yet

 In looking at this list, it is a prime example of how it really is just the little things that we do for each other that really light up our lives.  The first flowers he ever sent me had a note that read, “have a good day! thinking about you and i love you”.  It isn’t the flowers, it was the planning and follow through of thinking about me and wanting to show me that I was on his mind… that really was the gift that keeps giving long after the flowers die.

Girls are very complicated and simple creatures all at the same time.  We want the world, but giggle and swoon over a tiny surprise like an extra cookie in our lunch.  So, you can help us take over the world, but in the mean time make sure to keep us well fed and we will make the journey much more pleasant for everyone.

Cheers to opening the pool 1 week early!

He.

He.

He loves me.

He cooks for me.

He says he is sorry.

He tells me I’m beautiful.

He is now addicted to Hoarders.

He goes for walks with me, and his dog.

He shares his special time with his son, with me.

He knows how I like my coffee and can make it for me.

He will, after a few glasses of liquid courage, dance with me.

He lets me out before a parking space so I don’t have to walk in a puddle.

He texts me more than he thinks is sensible, because he knows it makes me happy.

He lets me swing his arm while we hold hands, even though he knows I’m doing it just to mess with him.

He brings me a tiny kitchen candle to have next to me while I take a relaxing bath, and he is the one that ran the bath.

 

He is my boyfriend.
… I’m pretty lucky.

Training wheels

What makes it all worthwhile?

 

Having a crummy start to the day, having an amazing evening after work, making a heart wrenching discovery, working through it as a team, waking up calm.

 

In past relationship experiences, after the heart wrenching discovery, would have come massive arguing, name calling, defensive reactions and unproductive hours of pain and confusion.  Everyone screws up now and again, it’s how they handle themselves when the blunder comes to light or is put into a new light.  If the person who is the initiator of the blunder reacts by getting angry and yelling at the other person, there is little to be salvaged after that. 

 

If they react with concern and a cooperative attitude, there is many things that can be done from there.  Allowing the non-blunderer to work through their emotions safely and without harsh words allows everyone to stay cool and really focus on what is important.  After all, the little thing that prompts most arguments isn’t the real cause of the argument, the root of the problem is usually another issue like jealousy, trust, anger, etc. 

 

Actions always speak louder than words.  Every good guy must realize that every bad guy has said the same things:

–          I would never lie to you

–          I am not like those other guys

–          I would never hurt you

–          I would never cheat

 

While the good guy’s intentions may be as pure as the driven snow, they are still the same bullshit lines that every girl has gotten from at least one guy who ended up doing all those things he said would never do, and most likely did them in grand style.  If you want to really win a girls heart, take the time to show her that you wouldn’t do those things.  Besides, saying “never” has gotten many people over the years in big trouble.  Say all those things if you want, but just realize that the words themselves are featherweights, compared to the actions to back them up with will pour a concrete foundation that will create a stable relationship that you both can be proud of.

 

There will be hurt in relationships.  It is an unavoidable reality.  It’s making sure that the hurts are unintentional and rare is the key.

 

I asked my cousin once who has been in what I consider a successful relationship/marriage for a long time… “Doesn’t your husband ever hurt you (feelings, not physically)?”  Her response, “Oh god yeah, but never intentionally or maliciously”.  What should have seemed obvious was a total epiphany for me. 

 

Everybody hurts, keeping it to the minimum, constructive hurts is important.

 

My recent hurt ended in the best way possible.  It was not a malicious hurt, but rather born from ignorance of the consequences of certain actions.  Corrective action was taken immediately and a very constructive conversation about boundaries followed.  Waking up the next day calm was a sign of a good end to the incident.  I learned, he learned.  What started as a hurt, ended in a positive experience of growth and bonding.  Which is the best kind of Neosporin for heart-hurts.

relation SHIP wreck

Icebergs.

They come in all shapes and sizes.  Literally and figuratively, they can sink any ship big or small.

In relationships, the iceberg can start with anything.  A snowflake of a lie.  Something so small and seemingly innocent.  Then, another lie is needed to bond to the first lie.  Slowly the snowflakes become easier to come by, and even though they are totally unique snowflakes, they all do the same thing and bond together to form the tip of the iceberg. 

Generally around this time one of the snowflakes travels into the hands of the other person you are with.  They see the snowflake, they see the tip of the iceberg.  They are unnerved by what they see.  They try to make sense of it, to dismantle the tip.  To dissect the snowflakes and see how they managed to form together to create this thing floating on the horizon. 

Maybe the other person gives up and just lets the iceberg float around them.  Which it will.  Once a collection of lies and dishonesty has been discovered, it puts a mark on the perfect horizon that was original thought to be the future of this relationship.  For some people, that works for them. It is a constant reminder of what could have been and what is.  Some people prefer to have a rocky horizon that isn’t perfect, but is theirs.

Sometimes though that tip that’s been floating around has been just the warning sign to something more.  Similar to the fin of a shark breaking the water before it attacks, the fin is harmless… but the face of it will rip you apart.  People who leave the iceberg take the risk of the creator of the iceberg going below water and going to greater lengths to conceal the true magnitude of their collection of snowflakes.  They crystallize underwater and one day the whole relationship is tore open at the hull by the reality of what the tip of the iceberg was really telling them.

Relationships are work.  They take two people.  One person might be building an iceberg, but for it to reach the kind of size to do a lot of damage, it means the other person has let it float on the horizon without throwing on some scuba gear and really checking it out.  If it is important enough to risk drowning over, it’s important enough to swim out once in a while and really see what’s going on.  Might save you a life vest.