Challenges and Changes and Blessings… Oh My.

One of the things that I find the most interesting about being a consultant is that you start new jobs (without being fired or quitting) pretty regularly.  Inherently the act of starting over at a new company, with a new culture, and new human counterparts is always a little stressful.  Even though it can be a stressful time, I have also found it to be a blessing.

What is the blessing in starting over?  Well, it challenges and stretches me to believe in myself.  To know that every time I’ve started somewhere new, I didn’t know the culture, the humans, the geography (if I’m traveling) or even the details of the work I’d be doing.  Those facts eventually changed and I learned, adapted and was successful in each endeavor.  I keep proving to myself that there is nothing I can’t learn, handle, or google… to meet my goals.

When I’m approaching a transition to a new client, I often end up in this cycle of stress > gratitude > acceptance > stress > gratitude… etc.  I find myself being my biggest cheerleader and critic, in a healthy way… not in a multiple personality kind of way.  I challenge myself to remember my awesomeness, but allow for some stress/apprehensiveness as well because in a managed fashion it allows me to be better prepared when I do start.

The biggest “bonus” of this cycle is that I have very little fear of ending a contract.  I have faith that everything will work out and that I will find the work I need to find (if necessary) and I hold myself capable of staying employed with the right companies, the right projects and the right people… at the right time.

The super secret bonus to flexing my “believing in myself” muscles is that it doesn’t just stop with my employment.  These exercises leak out into the other areas of my life and allow me to face uncertainty and change in my personal life with a little more calm and steadiness that otherwise.

All that to say that I appreciate the challenges that this career has sent my way and the growth I’ve experienced because of it.  I am pretty darn proud of myself and the person I’m becoming every day.

 

‘Soul’er Panel

I was thinking today about how in order to “shine your light” onto the world, other people, etc. that you would need to actually have the light available within you to shine.  Kind of like a flashlight needing batteries or a solar yard light needing the sun.

I love this thought because so many people think that taking time for themselves (personal development, self-care, time alone, massages, etc) is a selfish act.  However, when you think of it as a necessary step in order to have the fuel/battery/power to give to others… it then becomes a necessary step in being a more altruistic person.

I personally love taking time for myself and strengthening my mental and emotional fortitude.  I love growth, a good challenge, and helping others do those same things.  If I don’t take time to grow personally, I don’t have the ammunition to help others do the same.  One of the most rewarding moments I have is when a little tidbit of information or a certain meditation practice that touched my soul, helps someone else wade through their shit when I share it.

So just imagine that your soul needs refueling just like anything else in order to be the best version of yourself. Then sit down and think about what makes you feel like you are at your best… and do it.  Do it often.  Self-care is soul-charging.

Yesterday…

Frustration

 

There are some days when I can’t seem to get a hold of my frustration about the way things are going around me.  What do I do?  How can I make things better and make a difference now, so I am not feeling frustrated and like a passenger on a rollercoaster?  I don’t know.  I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons of where I have ended up and quite honestly some days the pros are winning the battle and other days all I can see and feel are the cons. 

 

Why can’t I be one of those happy carefree people that doesn’t worry about anything or think excessively about things they cannot change?  I want to know why things are happening and what drives people to do the things they do.  When mistakes are made, I practically demand immediate corrective action.  I know I get that from my father who reacted as such with me when I was growing up. 

 

I find myself constantly looking around for the next milestone or goal that I need to achieve.  I want to be working towards something.  It doesn’t seem to be very rewarding lately.  I think it keeps me sane to have goals and a general direction, but it also constantly leaves me feeling restless and not quite able to sit and enjoy the moment. 

 

Why do I have to decide if I want to manage my brain with drugs or with other granola remedies.  How much deep breathing and exercising equals one happy pill?  At what point does my stubborn, “I can do this” attitude take away from my quality of life?  How much should I have to struggle to have a quiet brain once in a while?  When I feel like I have to call someone, anyone and talk to them about anything and everything or I might burst because my thoughts are racing and my chest is tight and I feel so alone in the miserable prison that is my mind sometimes… those are the days a little pretty white pill saves my sanity.

 

Will I ever be the solid partner that I want to be?  Am I a solid partner now but I am too self-deprecating to realize it?  Can I really give my all to a relationship when I spend half my time just trying to keep all my pieces together?  Is giving all of myself a good thing when it includes all the bad stuff along with all the good stuff?  Am I more successful in the end if I hold back and only give a portion of myself?  Does my “good” really outweigh my “bad”? 

 

Am I totally missing the boat on all the great stuff that my 30’s is supposed to be about because I am so introspective with my worries right now?  Am I the only one that sits around thinking about this crap?  Is this a third-life crisis? 

 

Sigh…