Menieres Disease. Ear Surgery Recovery and Anxiety

On May 21st I had a procedure done called Endolymphatic sac decompression (ELSD). On my right ear. This procedure is done to help prevent the debilitating vertigo attacks I get with my Menieres Disease attacks.

Before surgery

After surgery

My ear once the dressing (ear boob) has been removed

Beginning of discharge process the following day

Snapshot my ear on the way home

Now, I look pretty happy in these pictures. And while surgery did go well, that’s mostly the drugs. I took the strong pain meds for a few days, but they upset my stomach and anxiety so I switched to Tylenol.

It has been two weeks now since surgery and I can tell you a few things that surprised me.

First, I definitely wasn’t listening when they were saying it was “major surgery” and definitely underestimated the surgery itself and the recovery.

Second, recovery has been far (far, far, far) more mentally challenging than physically challenging. I’ve had countless panic attacks, phone calls or emails to the doctors or on call staff to answer questions, and many frustrated moments of “why can’t this just be better now”.

Lastly, I have many post-surgery symptoms that are “normal” but were unexpected since I didn’t know what to ask before hand and was too afraid to google it. My earlobe is still mostly numb and they aren’t sure when it will regain feeling. I guess it depends on when the neural pathways that were damaged during surgery are healed. I have some lingering fullness in my ear (like it’s full of cotton), which is because they had to squirt a foam in the other parts of my inner ear to keep them from being damaged during the surgery. So I have to wait for that to dissolve/drain. My ear lobe is still pretty swollen as sticks out from my head, right after surgery I was calling myself Sloth (goonies). My head itself is also tender in places. So those symptoms all ended up being calls to the ENT on call (two Saturday nights in a row) to make sure they were normal… followed by some lorazepam and m&ms to calm me down.

I’ve also had two vertigo attacks already post-surgery. One lasted 12 hours and one lasted 17 hours. The surgery takes 6 months to fully become effective. So this isn’t abnormal, just unfortunate timing when I’m already recovering.

The second attack (17 hours) seems to have left me with a secondary issue of constant wooziness which the doctors believe is a kind of dizziness called Persistent postural-perceptual dizziness (PPPD). Which basically means when I move my head or eyes too fast I feel a little woozy. So now I’ll likely need to do Physical Therapy to help snap my brain back into shape for that while I’m also waiting for my ear to continue fully healing.

There have been days I have really struggled on this journey. The desire to feel healthy and “normal” again is strong. But I’m working with a therapist that helps me keep my expectations in check and has me addressing my anxiety with curiosity rather than anger and frustration. I’m trying to see my anxiety as a flag that something is off and investigate that instead of feeling ashamed and angry that I can’t just “get it together” in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack (after major surgery… my expectations of myself are a bit high it turns out). It’s been a while since I’ve had to suffer through anxiety so much and it has really reminded me that I need to be much more honest with myself and others during high stress times like this about my anxiety, it’s severity and ability to cope (hint: I have no ability to cope right now).

All that said – it’s two weeks out. Today, so far, I’m in a very peaceful mood. Back to work (from home) and keeping my mind busy. Looking forward to continually making progress. Even baby steps. I’ve been walking the dog around the house for my own kind of therapy/PT and it’s been great.

I’m so thankful to everyone who has supported me physically and emotionally. It’s been a traumatic two weeks (but really almost 3 years since my initial Menieres diagnosis), but two weeks ago I could not wait to be two weeks out. :) And here I am.

So, I’m very hopeful the surgery works and my vertigo attacks get less and less and eventually go away. And I hope with PT that soon enough I’ll be feeling less dizzy on the daily. I’m hoping to look back on this in two more weeks and be content with whatever progress has been made.

Snapshot from Saturday’s walk with Mya (6/1)

Grab your popcorn and dental floss

Let me regale you with a story.

About 5 weeks ago I noticed my gum was a little sore back near one of my molars. I did what any normal person would do and i flossed the shit out of that area assuming that something was stuck back there and causing the irritation.

About a week in to this I went to the dentist to have it checked out. They poked around and took X-rays and decided there wasn’t anything there, however I had flossed so hard that I had separated the gum from the tooth and it was now “flapping in the wind”. I was also told that my insistence that it felt like something was back there was a “psychosomatic problem”. Well, add it to the list. I was told to sit on my hands and not even brush that area to let it heal from my digging.

So I spent the next 3 weeks just waiting for it heal, only it didn’t heal and slowly got worse and worse. I went back in on Tuesday of this week because now the whole side of my face hurt and my gum was swollen, bright red and so, so tender. They dentist took another look and was baffled by what was going on. Gave me some special mouthwash and told me to come back in two days so they could check on it and send me to a specialist if it wasn’t better.

Over the next two days I convinced myself that it was obviously something terrible like gum cancer or a flesh eating virus. I considered my options like “would I need reconstructive surgery” and “will I need grafts of some kind when they remove all the bad tissue”. Needless to say I show up to my follow up appointment more or less hysterical.

The kind dental hygienist checks me in, takes a X-ray and gets me a tissue as I start uncontrollably sobbing (as one does during a emotional breakdown). When she leaves I’m trying to calm myself down so I don’t have a vertigo attack from the stress. So I start cry-singing along to the overhead music which is “Somewhere over the rainbow”. If there was a camera on my I probably looked like on of those animal rescue commercials with my level of sadness and drama.

Soon a new dentist comes in and asks how I’m doing. I just look back at him, afraid to talk since I’ll just start crying again. He says, “yeah, I heard, not good”. Maybe there are cameras in here?

He takes a look at my swollen gum and starts poking around (which sounds as terrible as it felt) and pulled out a large sliver of almond. Almond. It was large and sharp and had been imbedded in my gum for a while. He then pulled out a couple other pieces and sent me on my way.

In short: No cancer. I’m never eating slivered almonds again. My gum feels 10000000% better today (he dug our the offending almond yesterday). I went home and put on my wedding dress and danced around the house to unwind from my traumatic non-emergency.

Another life lesson on the ridiculousness of worrying yourself to death over things. I look forward to doing it again soon since apparently I have no worry control.

Happy Friday and have a great (almond free) weekend.

April showers…

Bring more vertigo it turns out. Most days I’m so tired of living with these vertigo issues that the last thing I want to do is write about them. But, here it goes anyways… because fears and worries are better out of my brain than in.

I got my first steroid shot to try and control the vertigo episodes in my ear four weeks ago. First they numb the ear drum (which stings), then poke two holes in it, then squirt the steroid behind the ear drum (which stings) so it will soak into the parts of the ear that need to calm down. You lay there for 20 minutes while it soaks in trying not to move (and in my case listening to Harry Potter on audio book). Then you sit up (which stings since the steroid sloshes around in there) and they make sure you can see straight. Then you are free to go, no restrictions. It’s supposed to take up to two weeks to kick in and if it works to control the vertigo will last for a few months.

I was doing pretty well for the last three weeks and then some crazy spring weather rolled in (snow/sleet/rain) and I had three vertigo attacks in five days. Tossed some cookies and listened to more Harry Potter while waiting them out. So now I will be getting a second steroid shot in my ear next Friday (more stinging and Harry Potter ⚡️) and also scheduling surgery a couple months down the line for a more permanent solution to help control the vertigo.

With all this going on I’ve started seeing a remote therapist to help me navigate the feelings and emotions of having a chronic disease. If you know me you might have noticed I have some slight (haha) control issues and a sprinkle of denial. So not being able to control the symptoms or episodes and not being able to predict when they will strike has been very hard for me. It’s easy to be anxious and depressed some days since the disease is erratic and I’m stuck at home most of the time.

Remote therapy has been a blessing because I don’t have to worry about driving anywhere or taking big chunks of time out of my day, I just pop open my computer and pour my heart out. Also my therapist’s last name is Hershey (like the chocolate), so I knew we were soul mates from the start.

While navigating these hurdles I’m at least still able to work. I’m so grateful that I’m 100% remote right now so I can control my environment to fit my needs. Light sensitive today? Make the office like a bat cave. Nauseous? Bring puke bucket close to desk. Really rough day? Work from sleep number bed like a geriatric. Regardless I have the flexibility to continue doing something to bring value to others while taking care of myself.

This Sunday is my 38th birthday (and also Easter this year). I am hoping for a symptom-light weekend so I can enjoy my annual Milwaukee Brewer baseball game with my dad and enjoy some nice weather out on our patio.

Everything has a season and this too shall pass… I just hope we get over into the passing lane soon and speed it up a bit. Patience has never been one of my stronger attributes. For now I’ll be doing what I can… lighting my little wooden stick that clears my crystals, adding oils to my diffuser, taking my meds, staying hydrated, getting out into nature, resting, loving on my family and hugging my dog.

Wallowing in Winter

It’s early February here (last week the wind chill was 50 degrees BELOW ZERO – FYI) and I’m still battling with my Meniere’s flare up.  My journey, and the weather, has been a rollercoaster lately.  I have days full of gratitude and hope, and days full of suffering and despair.

Since New Years Eve I’ve had four menieres attacks with severe vertigo.  Where I was bedridden between 8-16 hours unable to move on my own because of the jumpy-eyed vertigo (which is the worst) along with vomiting, etc.  During these episodes, I need someone to be with me because I can’t make it to the bathroom on my own, get food or water or basically anything that involves seeing or walking.  So it’s pretty much the nurse (husband) or the ER during those attacks.

I also had a strong reaction to prednisone (a steroid I was given to try and recover hearing after one of my attacks) which left me on the superhighway to Anxiety-ville.  I was truly struggling with anxiety, sludging through the daily, trying desperately to make sense of why this was happening, what was the point of it and despairing over how or if I’d get past this struggle.  I have spent moments literally shaking with fear worrying that another attack was close.  I’ve now rubbed my feet together so often laying here in bed struggling with anxiousness that I gave myself a blister on one of my feet.

On the flip side I’ve had days where I could have dance parties in the hall at home because I was having a great day.  I’ve put together 4 puzzles (and counting) with my husband to try and pass the time.  I was able to attend a beautiful wedding.  I felt good enough to go to several of my step-sons basketball games, which I love.  I’ve read motivational books, listened to podcasts, and eaten up the other motivation things I could to give me the teeniest bit of light in the dark.  I’m still working every day, and focusing on giving it 100% everyday.

I’ve done better reaching out to resources for physicians (asking for second opinions), putting a action plan in place with a trusted general physician, made an appointment to talk to a therapist that deals with people with chronic illnesses, leaning on family and friends and trying to not feel guilty for “unloading” my burdens.  I’ve shared my deepest fears with husband and he has been my absolute rock and nurse all at the same time.  I’m actively speaking and posting about what I’m going through so that it doesn’t grow in my head like the gremlin that fear and anxiety can be.

I am writing this post so that I can look back in the next few days/weeks/months/years and see how far I’ve come… because I believe I will continue to find my way through this and find the secret sauce that works for me to manage this disease.  I look forward to those days and the posts I will make when I’m basically killin’ it and this season turns out to be a valuable season of learning, growth, strength, perseverance, grace, humility, acceptance…. all the lessons!

Yesterday was a hard day.  I was in bed almost all day with vertigo.  However, today… was a better day.  Not a 100%, but I could do a little jig walking down the hallway, put in a good day of work, do all the essentials I need to do to take care of myself, and refill my hope bucket just a little bit. So, I’ve gotten it all down – and now I’m going to start a new puzzle and work on filling up my hope bucket for the hard days.

Crashing into Fall!

Hey hey!  It’s again been a minute since I blogged on here, but it’s been in my heart to start writing again so here I am!  Let me tell you how life’s been… it’s been a titch bumpy.  I’d even call it rough at times lately.  Let me fill you in…

As some of you might know I was diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease (Chronic inner ear disorder with no cure that causes vertigo, ear ringing and hearing loss that eventually becomes permanent to some extent) in August 2016.  I had a rough month or so while I got the symptoms under control by cutting back on Sodium and cutting out caffeine complete.  I know.  Anywho, besides a day here or there where my ear gave me the business… I was in “remission” if you will for the better part of the last year and half.  Minding my own business, traveling, living life, kind of pushing the diagnosis to the backburner.

Enter in August 2018.  Almost 2 years to the day from my first episode of Meniere’s, I had a flare up… and almost 10 weeks later I’m still battling to get more than 3 days symptom free.  I’ve had a lot of resistance to the flare up… maybe I’d even call it denial.  The symptoms had been so manageable and gone for so long that I was like “nope, nope, this isn’t happening… nope”.  Well, reality was telling me otherwise.  Since this latest flare up I’ve seen a regular doctor, Physical Therapist, Chiropractor, Massage Therapist, Acupressure-ist (?), and have had an MRI and visited the ER.  Let’s just say I’ve been around.

I have a calendar where I track good, medium and bad days.  Good days mean I don’t have any vertigo and can carry on like a “normal” person.  Medium days mean I have just enough vertigo/dizziness to make me super fatigued and slow me way down.  Bad days mean I can’t get out of bed without help and/or vomiting.  Luckily I’ve only had a few of those bad days.

At the beginning they thought I had Labyrinthitis (which is basically very similar to Meniere’s except it is viral or bacterial and it is not chronic).  However, my ENT eventually felt like it was actually a Meniere’s flare up instead.  During this time I have googled just enough to find mainly really scary, depressing and extreme stories.  Which is one of the reasons I wanted to share about my recent experience so that maybe someone else going through it might find it and find something besides a traumatic story.

Have parts of this season for me been traumatic?  Absolutely.  However, I’ve also had some really beautiful things happen.  I have such a wild appreciation for good days.  I pretty much haven’t had alcohol in 10 weeks and have been eating good and tracking my food (to try and find triggers).  I’ve started a daily gratitude journal with a friend and we’ve been sharing that experience.  I’ve been meditating daily to try and reduce stress (which can definitely be a trigger to the symptoms).  I’ve been listening to sleep stories to help me fall asleep at night and find that it help with anxiety I usually have before bed.  I bought a new pillow that is much more comfortable for my head and neck.

I started getting massages again.  Even though I’ve been restricted on the workouts I can do… I CAN DO daily walks with my dog and I have been doing about 2 miles a day with her.  I’m working towards having more grace and kindness towards myself and capabilities on “medium/bad” days.

Finally, I absolutely cannot leave out the 100% love, dedication, and caring that my husband has shown me during this time.  He has been the MVP of this story!  When I feel like a burden or feel less-than because I haven’t been able to shower in days because I’m afraid I’ll fall and hurt myself… he still tells me I’m beautiful, capable and loved.

I’m sure there are more, but the things I’ve been able to do… have given me a sense of control back in my life.  They feel like tangible things I can do to put myself in the best position to have a good day.  I have asked myself many times “what is the lesson in this”.  What am I supposed to learn through this season of my life?  I find peace in calling it a season because even though seasons might hang around a little longer than you’d like them to… they are still just a season and they change/move along eventually.

So, my hope is that if you are in a hard season as you read this… you will know that it will change and move along eventually.  And while you are waiting for it to get on its merry way, you will try to look for the lesson and maybe just find some small tangible things you can do for yourself during this season to help you find the best version of yourself you can be!

Game on.

Holy cats.  My last post was in January.  I think about writing in here all the time.  At least several times a week.  I often talk myself out of it because I don’t think I have something important / funny / informational enough to share.

But, that’s just my gnarly inner critic getting in the way.

I don’t have anything earth shattering to say, but wanted to break the non-writing cycle.

What’s my life been like lately?

Well, my step son is going to be 16 soon and that is wild to me.  He was 9 when I first met him and it’s such an honor and privilege to continue watching him grow into adulthood.  Also frightening sometimes as well… being a part of a child’s life means shaping them into the person they will be as an adult, so it’s a constant tug of war to find the balance between setting good examples, parenting, and fun.  I do the best I can and often wonder what moments will stick out to him later in life… hopefully mostly the good ones.

I’m working remotely most of the time again. #hermitlife So it’s back to a life that involves mostly stretchy pants, pony tails and dual computer monitors.  I’m still consulting and loving it.  It’s such a gift to be able to go from one company to another and help them through a project/process/issue and see them through to the other side.

I am still loving the married life.  We have worked hard to create a life we both really enjoy and love.  It feels like a collaboration most of the time and I look forward to continuing to grow and experience all that this life has to offer.  Next year will be our 5 year anniversary and we are planning on going somewhere… we are considering Hawaii or Italy.  So, I’m excited to see what we decide for that!

I feel like my circle of humans has gotten sparklier and more awesome lately.  I’ve been making an effort to go to more events that sparkly awesome people go to… So we can all be awesomely sparkly together.  There are so many wonderous and magical people out there, you just need to look for them through the fog that comes over us during the humdrum of every day life.

So, anywho… I feel like I’ve satisfied my need to write a little ditty on here.  I’m looking forward to the weekend, sleeping in and adventures with the hubs.  Peace out :)

 

Loss of a Fur-Family Member

We’ve been devastated by the sudden loss of our main man Brodi last Friday 12/29/17.

About a week before Christmas we noticed that he hadn’t been eating very much food and that he looked skinny.  We took him into the Vet on the Friday before Christmas and found out he had lost 15 lbs.  Otherwise all the blood work, urine analysis, xrays, stool samples, etc… came back looking normal.  We thought it was just a bug or some kind of food aversion he had suddenly developed.

Fast forward to after the holiday weekend and we got a second opinion at another Veterinary clinic in the area and they did some additional tests and an ultra sound.  The results were devastating.  Brodi’s stomach lining was 5 times the thickness it should have been.  A normal health stomach would have three different layers in their stomach, but in his xrays there was only one layer because another type of cell had taken over everything (cancer).  His pancreas was also inflamed and had cysts inside of it. His gallbladder was backed up and full of the toxic sludge that should not be just sitting there.  The stomach had become so inflamed that it had pinched off the passageway for the Gallbladder to empty into the stomach.

We found all this out on the Thursday after thanksgiving.  We talked about surgery and quickly ruled it out.  The odds of finding something curable were low; and the odds of him recovering from that kind of exploratory surgery (which likely involved removing the pancreas and gallbladder) were even lower.  We were told he had days or weeks left… it all depended on his ability / desire to eat food.

We had a goal of him eating three and a half to four cans of wet food per day.  The entire following Friday he ate nothing.  No begging, pleading, or trying to put the food in his mouth… would work.  He was laying around and sleeping most of the day, but not interested in eating.  I called the Vet and we had to make the decision to say goodbye to Brodi before he starved to death or the cancer started to spread and cause him more discomfort or pain.

Brodi was so excited to see his leash come out that he got up and danced around for the first time in days… it broke our hearts.  It was almost our undoing.  We didn’t want to say goodbye to our sweet soul.  However logic won out through streaming tears of emotions and we took him in.

The Veterinary Clinic in Lodi could not have been more thoughtful, caring and accommodating.  They made what was easily the hardest decision I’ve made to date… as easy as it could have been.  Right at the end the Vet turned to me and reassured us that we were doing the right thing.  We both broke down into tears and said our final goodbyes.

I don’t think I can properly put into words the physical and emotional heartache this has caused us.  He was dealt a bad hand.  He was the best and sweetest dog.  The scariest part was having really no warning (that we noticed) that cancer had taken up residence in our dog and had gotten so bad.

He was a part of our story, our daily lives, or future plans and I will forever be grateful for the time we got to spend loving him, receiving love from him and having him in our family.  He would have been 9 in June this year.

We’ve cried at least once every day since we said goodbye.  It will be quite a while before I can look back with just smiles and not smiles and tears.

This is responsibility we take on when we accept a fur child into our lives.  It was hard, but everything that came before it made it worth it.

We will never forget him… and always love him.

Challenges and Changes and Blessings… Oh My.

One of the things that I find the most interesting about being a consultant is that you start new jobs (without being fired or quitting) pretty regularly.  Inherently the act of starting over at a new company, with a new culture, and new human counterparts is always a little stressful.  Even though it can be a stressful time, I have also found it to be a blessing.

What is the blessing in starting over?  Well, it challenges and stretches me to believe in myself.  To know that every time I’ve started somewhere new, I didn’t know the culture, the humans, the geography (if I’m traveling) or even the details of the work I’d be doing.  Those facts eventually changed and I learned, adapted and was successful in each endeavor.  I keep proving to myself that there is nothing I can’t learn, handle, or google… to meet my goals.

When I’m approaching a transition to a new client, I often end up in this cycle of stress > gratitude > acceptance > stress > gratitude… etc.  I find myself being my biggest cheerleader and critic, in a healthy way… not in a multiple personality kind of way.  I challenge myself to remember my awesomeness, but allow for some stress/apprehensiveness as well because in a managed fashion it allows me to be better prepared when I do start.

The biggest “bonus” of this cycle is that I have very little fear of ending a contract.  I have faith that everything will work out and that I will find the work I need to find (if necessary) and I hold myself capable of staying employed with the right companies, the right projects and the right people… at the right time.

The super secret bonus to flexing my “believing in myself” muscles is that it doesn’t just stop with my employment.  These exercises leak out into the other areas of my life and allow me to face uncertainty and change in my personal life with a little more calm and steadiness that otherwise.

All that to say that I appreciate the challenges that this career has sent my way and the growth I’ve experienced because of it.  I am pretty darn proud of myself and the person I’m becoming every day.

 

Prompt 11 – What would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally?

If I loved myself unconditionally… I would definitely be more comfortable in my body.

I spend so much time wasting precious brain cells trying to be comfortable in my body where it is in this moment in life.  Logically I know that it is a waste of time, but I think there is something to be said about the technology at our fingertips and the images we are inundated with.  So, while I think I look fine… then I look at Pinterest to get ideas for work outfits and feel like 90% of the results wouldn’t look good on someone who has such a fondness for Wine and Nutella…. like myself.

So, I’ve actually been making this a focus of mine lately (not wine and Nutella… because that’s always a focus of mine).  I’ve been focusing on being more grateful to my body and what it can do for me.  I would like to spend my time focusing on this deliciously adventurous thing called life…. than focusing on losing a couple inches in middle section of my body.

So… here’s to playing with balance and priorities and landing somewhere in the middle.

Prompt 10 – What does unconditional love look like for you?

**Playing catch up on these prompts on this beautiful rainy fall morning.**

What does unconditional love look like to me?

It looks like my dogs.  They love me every day.  They don’t care if I’m hangry, hormonal or having some other human experience.  They are excited to see me every day.  They will cuddle with me even if I was a jerk five minutes ago.  They make me laugh and smile.

The love they show me is contagious.  It makes me want to be a better human for them.  When I’m mad because I’m cleaning up dog fur… for the seventh time that day because Huskies are always shedding, or I’m cleaning up poop or pee because one of them has a serious anxiety problem when it comes to fireworks… I just remember that they would love me if I pooped on the floor or was shedding all over.

In all seriousness, my dogs are a great example of unconditional love every day.  I hope to be more like them when I grow up.

Prompt 9 – Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and who you can genuinely trust.

Family.

You guys, I have the best family.  I have a Grandmother, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins (first, second, third… literally hundreds of cousins), Step Siblings, Step Parents, Bio Parents and a Sister I’ve been harassing since the day she was born. that I don’t see for quite a while.  I can go a year in between seeing them… and they still feel like home when we hang out.  I can honestly say without a doubt that I would trust any of them to help me, hold me and cheer for me any day of the week (maybe a slight delay in response on Packer Sundays… ;).

I have many blessings in this life, but my family is one of my biggest blessings.  They have been supporting me since before I knew what a blessing they were.  I cherish each and every family member I have.

If one of my famdangle is reading this now… I love you, let’s hang out :)

Prompt 8 – When I’m in pain — physical or emotional — the kindest thing I can do for myself is…

When I’m in pain — physical or emotional — the kindest thing I can do for myself is…

Be kind to myself.

Seems simple, but we (I) are our own worst critics.  We think we shouldn’t be slowed down or hindered by physical or emotional disruptions in the force (haha).  But seriously, as my life coach always reminds me… being kind to myself is the best gift I can give to myself.

If a good friend or family member was going through the exact same struggles I am, I would see all the brave and beautiful things about that person and would urge them to be kind to themselves.  So, the challenge to myself is to see the brave and beautiful things about myself during times of struggle… and be kind.  And maybe watch a harry potter marathon.  ;)

xoxo

Prompt 7 – I couldn’t imagine living without…

I couldn’t imagine living without:

I am always so thankful for the comforts of the life I’ve been blessed to live.  So I can’t imagine living without a roof over my head, running water at my fingertips, heat (heated blankets, a heated house, warm clothes, warm blankets), electricity, always having food available when I’m hungry, ability to work and support my family and having a healthy body that allows me to live the life I choose to live.

I am also thankful for a wonderful family and extended family, friends and all the souls that touch my life.

I couldn’t imagine my life without you.

Prompt 6: The words I’d like to live by are…

I know I skipped 5… I’ll circle back around to it.

The words I’d like to live by are:

Self-love, self-compassion and self-kindness shine out from you.  You cannot love, be kind or have compassion for others if you don’t do it yourself.  LOVE YO’ SELF.

<3

Prompt 4 – Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.

1. My husband
2. Sunrise
3. My nieces
4. My dogs (when they are being good)
5. My Step Son
6. My Parents
7. All the other family (and there is a lot of them)
8. Oceans (being around them, hearing them, thinking of them)
9. Wine
10. Dark Chocolate (80% or higher)… also Tiramisu
11. Friends
12. Other people rocking their style/attitude/etc.
13. LOVE (in all forms, between all people)
14. My Tattoos
15. A great scarf (must be ridiculously big and soft)
16. Crafting
17. Writing
18. Walking through nature
19. Great Songs (I’m obsessed with “If You’re Out There” by John Legend
20. A great book (Sarah Addison Allen is one of my favorite authors for smile-worthy books).
21. Hallmark movies with Aunt Deb and Uncle Dick, by the fire, all cuddled up
22. Baileys (on the rocks or in hot chocolate) ^ also usually happens when doing number 21
23. Traveling
24. Toms shoes
25. Comfortable sweaters, slightly oversized with long sleeves
26. Leggings
27. Droppin’ it like it’s hot on the dance floor
28. Random run-ins with interesting strangers
29. My RED HOT sisters from all over the country
30. NUTELLA.  Duh.

31. BRUNCH. I could eat breakfast for all the meals.